What the hell am I doing?

I seem to have completely forgotten this blog in the blur of work and strange, fleeting fatigue.  I have not managed to create anything remarkable in the past couple of months, but I've sent off a couple of copies of PROOF OF GOD!...and other tragedies and am thus asserting my presence in the world.  I've been mad about postcards lately and keep trying to find someone to send them to.  I have a penpal on death row.  I guess I could send him some kooky postcards.  The only issue is that he often writes very long and heartfelt letters, to which I must respond with a long and heartfelt letter. 

Heartfelt has been hard for me lately.  I'm not sure why.  I just feel a bit on automatic.  It may just be a function of my diagnosable disorder, a muting of emotion and tangling of thought.  I am hoping that I can remember that I started this blog, so that I can start contributing to it in a meaningful way.  Maybe poetry?  I recently read the work of a young poet and was immediately inspired to write poetry.  I don't know how to write poetry.  Is this poetry? No, probably not.

What does it mean that I see a universe in a single cloud?  It means that I have good eyes.

Slow Going

 

Because I am a strong believer in being honest about process, I must say that it seems to be taking forever for me to put a new site together.  I think about this new lynchpin project a fair amount.  When I am driving the daily commute I consider the pages it may contain and try to recall the location of specific images I need to upload.  However, sitting down and going through the files is tedious work.   I much prefer the quiet musing as I watch the trees slide by.

There is so much I want to do.  

I think about it all...the time.

It just takes time.  It just takes time. It just takes time.

It is the beginning of a new world, a not-quite-as-brave-as-I-used-to-be new world.

I have had some pretty vicious experiences in the keeping of records.  I like a good, solid record...but, there are some things I'd rather forget.  Seeing them there on the screen, in tidy little text, can be a bit of a rip. 

Did I write that?

Really?

Why did it seem so important?  

Why do I feel so embarrassed?

Starting over is never easy, but I am getting better at it.

  I have had plenty of practice.